There is a call to arms!
You are needed!
Become who you are meant to be.
Throughout my school life, I often felt a little under par, rubbish at times, ok at times. Then- occasionally l’d experience a great connection with a person- friend, teacher, family member or even stranger who I would feel really ‘seen’, noticed and validated by and feel an awe in that. Thinking 'Ok- maybe I do have ‘something’.
Now I have worked further in my own therapeutic journey- I know how importance our attachment experiences are, how they shape us and effect how we relate to others. But perhaps most importantly of all -how’s we relate to ourselves.
External experience of ‘how we are received’ literally build our brains into being and parents or caregivers that are unavailable, absent or even worse abusive in some way impact our self image and therefore self esteem.
As children we try to make sense of this and often turn these experiences in on ourselves into internalised beliefs like’ I’m just rubbish’, ‘I’m naughty’, ‘I’m not worthy’, ‘I’m not good enough’ . These internalised beliefs may then colour our whole existence and become a ‘lens’ we look through and take into other relationships.
Perhaps we might become timid, full of doubt, scared of failure, distance ourselves from others, self sabotage- learn to give up before we start. These are good intentioned defences which were an amazing tool for survival back then, just trying to keep us safe from further pain. But now…. Do they make for a happy life…
This is just the beginning
Image by Angela Hardingham
If you feel like this- you are not alone. Billions of people feel like you and a great deal of depth therapy work is about working with this internalised beliefs and scripts and building a kinder and more supportive relationship with ourselves.
I want to say here- this is not a blame game. It’s because care givers themselves will have experienced unmet needs, abuse, abandonment and trauma - this is why we talk about inter-generational trauma. The sad thing is until someone says -
‘no, this isn’t right - I need to understand what’s going on here’ and does some processing on what has happened, then it just gets played out and passed on generation by generation- again and again....
Courage is the way forward.
Stepping into courage
It’s hard to take first steps, but once on the path- it does (as the saying goes) ‘rise up to meet you’.
Little by little, step by step, every small gesture of change to ourselves is huge.
Each change of the historical paradigm allows a recalibration and a new way of being in the world. And after those first steps it’s really does start to get easier, I have witnessed this process unfolding for many people and this is what a I see.
A blossoming of self by caring, owning and grieving.
An allowing of feelings, allowing of mistakes and deeper compassion for self and others.
A retrieval of self, parts of self which may have been exiled since childhood and it is stunning to witness even through painful parts of the work.
Self permission- to try that thing that's always called, to go to that place..., to do that new job... etc etc...
It is awesome to be alongside this transformative process. I love my work.
What’s your super power?
Image by Angela Hardingham
Good news:
Our woundings can become our super powers!
From these vulnerable, painful experiences - strength - through understanding can offer depth that becomes a deep resourcing.
Recovery of painful experiences in healthy ways are hugely formative. (It’s that other saying ‘ what don’t kill you- makes you stronger’).
With courage- to meet your inner world you CAN thrive.
Similar to when we break a bone- it actually fuses back together stronger than it was before.
The adversity in my life has made me prone to being hyper vigilant -this, however enables me a depth of sensitive empathy which is so important for my job!
It’s history that can become the nourishing fertiliser of this moment and onwards- just as the dead leaves rot and feed the soil and plants enabling strong healthy roots.
Often there are pressures by family, peers or society to ‘do’ or ‘be’ something which perhaps if we had felt we had a choice - would NOT have been a path we’d have chosen to go down.
In therapy we reconnect to what is important (even if it feels bonkers) because if we do not heed our true natures -it can get us into all sorts of bother. Depression, anxiety, anger, shame, lack of enthusiasm for life, loneliness, passive aggressive tendencies. None of these are on the ‘ desirable menu’ for a happy and fulfilling life. Resonate with you?
So maybe consider allowing’ yourself to try ‘that thing’ you’ve always wanted to do. Don’t wait till retirement or a midlife crisis.
In a world gone mad (because let’s face it- that’s how it’s feeling), it has never been so important to listen to what is deeply calling us and bring our gifts to this planet.
What makes you tick? Shine?
Feel fulfilled?
Have a deeper sense of purpose?
Able to maintain a sense of active hope?
You are needed! Now!!!
So meet your internal barriers- with kindness, at your own steady pace and see how unfolds.
Because this IS a choice and it IS possible and fulfilled soul awaits
Late spring and early summer blessings to you and your loved ones
Hazel 🍃💚🍃
If you would like to work with me on explore any of the themes engaged within this blog, including the range of therapeutic services I offer including nature therapy, wildcraft wellbeing sessions and counselling -
Click on my bookings page https://www.hazelosbornecounsellor.com/services
to see listings of everything I currently offering both face to face and online
(dependant on any evolving COVID-19 guidance)
Contact me for a free 30min consultation to discuss more and see if you’d like to go ahead.
Many thanks to Angela Hardingham for her the beautiful images used in this post.
Image by Angela Hardingham
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